We are back!

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening,

Our audience spans the globe and I want to say hello to each and every one of you.

Hello, Selam, Bonjour, Hola, Guten Tag, Ciao, Salaam, Konnichiwa, Merhaba, Jambo.

It seems like it's been forever since our last post. It has been forever. Our absence was out of necessity and self preservation. From the beginning of our adoption process, I have been able to write and share my thoughts in a very cathartic manner. It was actually therapeutic to sit, gather everything swimming around in my head and simply type. While I thought it may be a great way to document our experience for ourselves it appeared that it was a place for others too. So, if you are still out there, we are back.

And a warning to any new readers. I am the queen of run-ons...and other grammatical errors.

While I could try to recap the last year plus, I don't think my time is best spent going through each memorable event. And the reality of me actually publishing this post would mean it would show up a week (month, or two) later...

I will give you the biggest peaks and pits. Let's start with the most difficult to handle (emotionally) so we are ending on a high note.

Pit#1
We do not have enough money after all for the adoption and are forced to go on hold after receiving the referral call, THE call for the baby.

At the beginning of 2013 we chose to make contact with our adoption agency and make sure we were all on the same page. This may sound strange, however after years of waiting, you tend to detach a bit. When you are just sitting and waiting on a list that sits somewhere between a desk on the East coast and multitudes of family situations in Ethiopia, it's a dance of keeping your emotional sanity and living a life you are partaking in daily. I digress. When the financial topic came up in conversation I felt there was a large gap in our communication. No. In fact, it was a large gap in where we thought we were on that financial totem pole and where we were in reality. Let me back up a little.

The best way to explain our situation is by sharing some deeply personal information. While we were not even considering to put forth the letter below our tunes changed after watching...of all things, the ESPY Awards. While listening (with tears) to the ever captivating Robin Roberts share her absolutely sad and inspiring story and accept the Arthur Ashe Courage Award a few things she said resonated. One of them being, that her Mother told her to "make your mess your message". Well, I try to listen to wise women and this just seemed to make sense to me. So, here it is, our mess and our message.

This is our condensed, raw and to the point backstory of our adoption process. The letter below has some very private information and yet when we are asked questions and do not want to answer (strangers) or cannot find the right words (friends) it is here where we find ourselves in between a rock and a hard place. Certain topics are thought of to be taboo. And yet, if more of us broke the taboo...perhaps we wouldn't feel so uncomfortable in society. I digress again.

Dear Help us Adopt Board Members,

Right this second there is an audible intake of breath by a hopeful couple, inside a little bungalow in Englewood, Colorado as you pour over our paperwork and read our story.

We want to thank you for considering our grant application as we continue our adoption process. We learned about your organization through our international agency, Wide Horizons. It was only during the last couple months that we felt we needed to ask for assistance. We understand that many couples who travel the road of adoption face many hardships and needs along the way.  We are no different, however, at this point in time we feel that we need help financially. 

The hardships and financial difficulties we as a couple have faced have forced us to grow as individuals and as a couple.  We have handled our obstacles together, grieved, laughed and most importantly loved. 

But first, we should give you a little history that includes lots of love and some heartache. We have been together for over eight years. Through our struggles we have allowed ourselves to be vulnerable enough to grieve. Yet, strong to rebuild, have hope and enjoy the present while looking to the future.

First, we learned in 2008 that Mathew was sterile.  Following the grieving period for this loss, while researching adoption agencies we learned in spring 2009 that Abigail would most likely not be able to conceive a child.  This was a double blow to us both.  However, these events only further reinforced our commitment to adoption, the seeds of which had been laid when we were still dating.  We as a couple knew we would rather focus our energy and resources towards building our family through adoption.

Once we started the adoption journey we received remarkable news.  All of the adoption expenses were surprisingly being gifted to us by a family member. We couldn’t believe our ears, listening intently over the phone and looking at each other in disbelief. There were many tears of joy, we were so grateful. This was a month of calm, peace and hope. Unfortunately, when they learned about the child’s birthplace, Ethiopia, they retracted the finances for the adoption and this is where we stumbled upon another emotional hardship.

In addition we have had the unfortunate experience of putting our adoption on hold twice. This was when we were notified that our landlord had to sell his townhouse we were living in. Lots of research and digging led us to buying our first home. However, it had been vacant for over a year and needed a certain amount of labor and love. The labor, was a complete kitchen and bath renovation, all new and safe electrical and plumbing with countless other small and not so small tasks. The love, was knowing that this is the home we would bring our baby into and create so many beautiful and special memories. Making it our home which is now clean and safe required us to use a good portion of our savings.

Since we have been in the adoption process for three and a half years some of the adoption fees have doubled and tripled from when we were first accepted as clients. In 2009 the approximate total, excluding travel, for the adoption was going to be $17,640. Today, the approximate total, excluding travel is $32,740. We understand that programs can change, countries can alter their requirements and fees may increase. To date, we have spent $9,850 and we still have the referral and post placement fees, totaling $25,000, not including travel.

While we were working diligently to save the remaining monies due upon referral we received the referral call. Needless to say, this was a bitter and helpless feeling. Knowing that we had waited for so long for this most special telephone call and knowing we couldn’t continue the conversation was heartbreaking. We imagined this one little but monumental phone call in our heads over the years. Telling our case worker that we did not have the total funds was difficult. We tried to make special financial arrangements with our agency but it was not a possibility. There were a couple weeks after the news of our referral that were emotional torture. It was impossible not to feel hurt after all we have been through. And it was becoming difficult not to tear up at the smallest of things. This seemed like such a significant obstacle that could put us on hold for a substantial period of time. We were required to go on hold for the second time because of the insufficient funds. Once we have the balance we will be back on the wait list and wait for the big call.

Finally, we are extremely worried that Ethiopia as a country might close to international adoptions.  Many changes have occurred during our time in the process.  Fees have increased as noted above.  Furthermore, Ethiopia requires prospective parents to make two trips instead of one.  This means four plane tickets instead of two as well as two hotel stays. 

There are no doubts that we will be loving parents. Abigail is a nanny to a wonderful boy whom she has been with since he was born. He is now five years-old and they are extremely connected. Abigail is actually stated as his legal guardian in his Mother’s will. We are God parents to two children, surrogate Auntie Abby and Uncle Mat to many others. Mathew is the big kid that all of the children always flock to. He is so natural and right at home with all of the children in our lives. When a little person stays with us for a night, weekend or longer we have a special rhythm together. It’s as natural as loving one another.

Abigail’s parents adopted her when she was only eleven days old. It is through this most positive experience that she always knew she wanted to adopt a child as well. Abigail’s parent’s also dealt with the loss of infertility and have been a rock to us both. The parallels between us and Abigail’s parents are somewhat remarkable. It is through these deep connections of pain and love for a child that we have been so patient in this process. Because of their love and unwavering support it has given us a unique support system like no other. They are there for us when we need to express our emotions and they can honestly know what it feels like. Abigail has three cousins that are adopted and another cousin who adopted a child. We will be bringing the 6^th adopted child into her family and we couldn’t be happier about that. Mathew’s family does not have any experience with adoption other than hearing positive stories from Abigail and her parents.

So to recap, we are asking for your help due to our hardships; infertility, going on hold due to financial restraints, not being able to pursue a referral, and our fear that Ethiopia may close to international adoption.  We are also asking for help due to financial needs; newlyweds with little money to begin with but began saving, promised financial support which was later rescinded, the need to purchase a home and use our savings, and finally the adoption fee increases.                

It is our hope that you read our story and understand some of the hardships we have experienced. But most importantly see who we are as a couple in these very few words and can feel the depth of our love and emotion for each other and for our child. We know one day the final chapter will include us home with our baby, regardless of how long it takes.

Most Sincerely, Abigail and Mathew Berry

Moving on to some peaks.

When reality set in that our agency would continue to raise the fees annually we knew that something had to give. With our current financial situation nothing was budging. In fact, my salary would be decreasing due to decreased hours because the little guy I take care of is growing up and starting kindergarten this year. So that meant either our job/s situation changed to accommodate the agency fee increase or we would not in any way be able to have a child.
(Yes, we have looked at other agencies, countries, situations, etc. this is still our goal to stick with Ethiopia. We hear lots of couples say they know their child is there or God is telling them that's where they need to be. With us, I would simply say that's where our hearts are. In Ethiopia. For numerous reasons.)

So...we did two things. One, we applied for a grant to assist us with our adoption expenses. And two, I started my own business.

Peak #1
We were given the grant! Our letter touched the board members who read it and we spoke with them about what we have been through and how they reacted to our situation and all that we have experienced. We have agreed to stay in touch and we have signed over permission for them to use our story in any marketing, etc. for their organization. We will give them periodic updates and pictures as our journey continues. We are eternally grateful to helpusadopt.org for their kindness and generosity! It is because of their grant that we are working diligently to come off of hold! We hope to be back at the top of the waitlist soon. We will keep you posted.

Peak #2
I became a business entity! abbymade, LLC was born on April 24th and it's been a whirlwind. This is the first time I am mentioning it in any public way. Word of mouth has kept me more than busy and I am struggling to keep up with the demand. Always a good problem for a new business. I have wanted to start my own food business for several years but never had enough guts. To be honest it started out of pure desperation for more $$$$ with the adoption situation and my dream of a more promising future for my family. And encouragement from a new and dear friend... Brooke.

I will say that my husband Mat and my parents, Mat's parents and family could not be more proud and excited. I am so lucky to be married to such an incredibly warm and thoughtful man. He has been so encouraging and helpful as I stumble around this new business world that I find myself in. Whether he is doing the cost analysis for the products or washing dishes (and cleaning the whole house)- he is my rock.  I have received great support from family and friends.  Mat's mom came over and helped with an event with baking and prep work.  Some other friends Emily and Whitney have also helped with photographs and baking and prep work for another event.  It has been unbelievable the amount of support.

I remember being in the kitchen with my Mom at a very young age. I asked her a couple weeks ago how old I was when I started cooking. She said as soon as I could walk, I was in the kitchen helping her. My Grama Betty taught me how to bake. She was one of the most important people in my life. I wish I could talk to her about this and so much more.

For now that is all. I can share more about the adoption, abbymade and some of you may be wondering about our house renovations. I will be coming back on a more regular basis. Perhaps once a week, maybe every other week. We shall see. Thank you for reading my ramblings if you made it this far ;)

Abby and Mat

TWO DOGS DINING

My Mom sent this to me via email and just had to share it- so cute!

Abby

Adoption

We are currently on hold with our adoption agency. We have a home study next week on our almost renovated house. Once we have finished some key elements like the install of a kitchen counter and a banister for the stairs we should be cleared to be put back on the wait list. All for now.

Thanks for visiting!!!

We are alive!

It is hard to believe that I have been absent since the middle of September! Time has been flying so quickly and so much has been happening. I will catch you up. There is so much to say so I apologize I am a bit scattered.

The Berry Bungalow

July/August: Knew we had to move. Found a house we loved. Went on hold with the adoption.

Sewer Line Fix

First roof removed- wood shingles

September/October/ beginning of November: Went back and forth with our wonderful realtor, Steffen Kaufman and the listing agent for the bank. We fell in love with a foreclosed property- sometimes this happens. Putting in an appeal so to speak with the appraiser who didn't flag 3 large price tag issues. In the end, the bank paid for and fixed the roof, sewer line (cracks in clay pipes) and a new furnace. We pretty much made real estate history! And were grateful we took such a huge gamble (we would have had to pay out of pocket for all 3 had the bank not done it- which meant we would have had to walk away).  Figure I am leaving out huge chunks considering all of this took place over nearly 3 months of negotiations.

Cheers!

November 14th: We are officially homeowners! We signed the paperwork. Which may I add was such a breeze in comparison to any adoption paperwork. Went to our new house. Popped a bottle of champagne. Went to dinner and that was the last time we had a break. But it's been worth it!

End of November/December: Lots of phone calls to contractors. Hardwood floor guys. Electrician. Plumber. Duct and Gas Guy. General contractor. Etc. Scouring the big box stores and antique shops for everything under the sun. Demolition on the main level starts!!!Christmas and retirement (Dad) 2 day surprise in Indiana to visit my parents (another nice break).

January: Work. Work and more work at the house.

Looking back to November seems like ages ago. Every weeknight and every weekend has been us working. With the exception of Christmas (2 days) and my cousin visiting (Leah from Minnesota- we had the best time!) (2 days). It is hard to believe where we are in the house now, nearly complete with the main level.

A quick run down.

November: Foreclosure. 1930 Bungalow. 3 bed. 2 bath. Extended ranch with basement on a double lot. A HOT MESS with gobs and gobs of potential.

Today.

Living at Nate's townhouse and keeping it spic and span as it has sometimes multiple showings close to every day. It has been on the market for 1 week and 1 day. Take a look here to see where we have been living for the past 6 years.

Our new lovely house is starting to really look up and we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's amazing to think that we will actually live there one day, hopefully soon and make it a home.

Kitchen demo!

A few things we have done so far on the main level, aka phase 1.

• Demolish and gut the kitchen to the plaster and lathe and original flooring (hardwood- a wonderful surprise). The kitchen had 2 inches of flooring that we tore up, somewhat similar to the roof having 4 layers. Also removed tv stand built in to upper corner of kitchen.
• Remove drywall and plaster to uncover brick chase in kitchen.
• Remove door in kitchen/dining room and make pass thru.
• Remove arch in kitchen/nook area to make kitchen one cohesive larger space.
• Design new kitchen layout with Cliff at Lowes. Our new favorite saying... WWCD? What would Cliff do?
• Install kitchen cabinets and sink.
• Cut hole in roof for venting out - none before in kitchen. Move gas line to accommodate stove (still on the to-do list).
• Demolish and gut bathroom to the plaster and lathe. Remove flooring. Design shower inserts in between studs. Tile shower and floor.
• Patch large hole in bedroom 1 wall. They had that hole built in to bedroom number 2 closet for a large tv.
• Patch large hole in the side of the house- bedroom 2. Which was to house a tv stand for the outside patio area.
• Remove hideous ghastly entertainment wooden structure in bedroom 2. For a tv.
• Patch all other smallish holes.
• Mud over thick plaster texture on all walls. Sand, repeat. Primer, mud, sand, repeat. Outcome- beautiful flat walls.
• Strip 80+ years of paint off of most baseboards, window and door trim. Sand, repeat.
• Take in original baseboard sample and window/door trim to wood mill. 120 feet total. Original character will stay intact.
• Remove carpet in bedroom 1.
• Remove door and window trim that was not original to the house.
• Rent dumpster for all trash. Then load it which took almost 2 days and 2 sore bodies.
• New electrical throughout kitchen since our guy found a nest of sorts of tangled unsafe wires in the attic. Other electrical issues and reorganizing panel.
• New plumbing in bath.
• New fan in bath.
• I know there were other tasks but I am forgetting right now. 

In kitchen looking at dining room. Removing doorway and creating pass thru.

First tile off in the bathroom.

Tile is gone!

Almost done with this step!
Tape and primer and paint all walls, ceilings and built-ins.

Next steps:
Refinish and stain hardwood floor throughout main level with the exception of the bath.
Have appliances installed.
Counter top in kitchen installed.
Finishing touches with plumbing, electrical and duct work.
Change fireplace back to wood burning. Prime and paint brick.
Find and put up bath hardware like towel hooks, etc.
Install customized marble shelves (over toilet for more usable space) to mimic shower insert shelf- an Abby original.
Prime and paint all milled wood and install where needed to baseboards and window/door trim.
Touch-up paint.

 I think after those remaining steps we can actually move in! After we pack of course!

A big thanks to all of our helpers and workers. We could not have done it without their help in this time. Helpers: Linda and Len Jepson, my parents. Jan and Veryl Berry, Mat's parents. Eric Baliruno (and Jeremy) our brother by friendship. Yvette Berry, our sister by blood and marriage. We love you all and we are so grateful for your help. We can't wait to have you over for a thank you dinner in our new place!

I will create a collage from all of our pictures and a before and after post too. Both to follow in the next couple months. I hope not to take a 5 month hiatus this time.

Abs

 

A Hungry Child Can't Wait: Let's Change History

 

Guest Blogger: Sarah Lenssen from #Ask5for5
Family photos by Mike Fiechtner Photography

Thank you (The Berry Family Blog) and 150 other bloggers from around the world for allowing me to share a story with you today.

A hungry child in East Africa can't wait. Her hunger consumes her while we decide if we'll respond and save her life. In Somalia, children are stumbling along for days, even weeks, on dangerous roads and with empty stomachs in search of food and water. Their crops failed for the third year in a row. All their animals died. They lost everything. Thousands are dying along the road before they find help in refugee camps. 

At my house, when my three children are hungry, they wait minutes for food, maybe an hour if dinner is approaching. Children affected by the food crisis in in Ethiopia, Kenya, and Somalia aren't so lucky. Did you know that the worst drought in 60 years is ravaging whole countries right now, as you read this? Famine, a term not used lightly, has been declared in Somalia. This is the world's first famine in 20 years.12.4 million people are in need of emergency assistance and over 29,000 children have died in the last three months alone. A child is dying every 5 minutes. It it estimated that 750,000 people could die before this famine is over. Take a moment and let that settle in.

The media plays a major role in disasters. They have the power to draw the attention of society to respond--or not. Unfortunately, this horrific disaster has become merely a footnote in most national media outlets. News of the U.S. national debt squabble and the latest celebrity's baby bump dominate headlines. That is why I am inspired that nearly 150 bloggers from all over the world are joining together today to make their own headlines; to share the urgent need of the almost forgotten with their blog readers. Humans have the capacity to care deeply for those who are suffering, but in a situation like this when the numbers are too huge to grasp and the people so far away, we often feel like the little we can do will be a drop in the ocean, and don't do anything at all.

When news of the famine first hit the news in late July, I selfishly avoided it. I didn't want to read about it or hear about it because I knew I would feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable. I wanted to protect myself. I knew I would need to do something if I knew what was really happening. You see, this food crisis is personal. I have a 4-year-old son and a 1 yr-old daughter who were adopted from Ethiopia and born in regions now affected by the drought. If my children still lived in their home villages, they would be two of the 12.4 million. My children: extremely hungry and malnourished? Gulp. I think any one of us would do anything we could for our hungry child. But would you do something for another mother's hungry child?

My friend and World Vision staffer, Jon Warren, was recently in Dadaab Refugee Camp in Kenya--the largest refugee camp in the world with over 400,000 people. He told me the story of Isnino Siyat, 22, a mother who walked for 10 days and nights with her husband, 1 yr-old-baby, Suleiman, and 4 yr.-old son Adan Hussein, fleeing the drought in Somalia. When she arrived at Dadaab, she built the family a shelter with borrowed materials while carrying her baby on her back. Even her dress is borrowed. As she sat in the shelter on her second night in camp she told Jon, "I left because of hunger. It is a very horrible drought which finished both our livestock and our farm." The family lost their 5 cows and 10 goats one by one over 3 months, as grazing lands dried up. "We don't have enough food now...our food is finished. I am really worried about the future of my children and myself if the situation continues."

Will you help a child like Baby Suleiman? Ask5for5 is a dream built upon the belief that you will.

That something I knew I would need to do became a campaign called #Ask5for5 to raise awareness and funds for famine and drought victims. The concept is simple, give $5 and ask five of your friends to give $5, and then they each ask five of their friends to give $5 and so on--in nine generations of 5x5x5...we could raise $2.4 Million! In one month, over 750 people have donated over $25,000! I set up a fundraiser at See Your Impact and 100% of the funds will go to World Vision, an organization that has been fighting hunger in the Horn of Africa for decades and will continue long after this famine has ended. Donations can multiply up to 5 times in impact by government grants to help provide emergency food, clean water, agricultural support, healthcare, and other vital assistance to children and families suffering in the Horn.

I need you to help me save lives. It's so so simple; here's what you need to do:

1. Donate $5 or more on this page (http://seeyourimpact.org/members/ask5for5)
2. Send an email to your friends and ask them to join us.
3. Share #Ask5for5 on Facebook and Twitter!

I'm looking for another 100 bloggers to share this post on their blog during Social Media Week. Email me at ask5for5@gmail.com if you're interested in participating this week.

A hungry child doesn't wait. She doesn't wait for us to finish the other things on our to-do list, or get to it next month when we might have a little more money to give. She doesn't wait for us to decide if she's important enough to deserve a response. She will only wait as long as her weakened little body will hold on...please respond now and help save her life. Ask 5 for 5.

Thank you on behalf of all of those who will be helped--you are saving lives and changing history.


p.s. Please don't move on to the next website before you donate and email your friends right now. It only takes 5 minutes and just $5, and if you're life is busy like mine, you probably won't get back to it later. Let's not be a generation that ignores hundreds of thousands of starving people, instead let's leave a legacy of compassion. You have the opportunity to save a life today!

6 Year Anniversary!

6 year anniversary gifts: iron, wood and candy.

Mat and I both jump in with eagerness when it comes to anniversary gifts and the special year requirements that we both have fun indulging in. It's always so fun to see what we both come up with. One of the gifts Mat received was a 4# bag of Iron Plus soil acidifier and one of my gifts were dark chocolate truffles. Some have humor and others have more of a sweet sentiment. Mat also follows the flower of each year and this year was the calla lilly, mine is a pot of beautiful green and yellow calla lillies. I hope I can plant them in a yard soon!

Our evening plans were a surprise to me. Mat loves to plan romantic dinners for us and I love the anticipation and always love the thought and sweetness he has put into the event. We had dinner at Sullivan's which is a very nice steakhouse downtown. This is where we went after our wedding reception... in my wedding dress and his tux. So, we have very special memories at this restaurant. We were greeted with "Happy Anniversary!" from every staff member we encountered. We were seated at a table with gorgeous fresh cut flowers just for me and promptly received a glass of champagne from the manager who also wished us a "Happy Anniversary!" Our server and other staff also knew of our story and it was a fun experience and of course the food was out of this world. I was swept off my feet.

Once we were done with dinner we headed over to The Cruise Room at the Oxford Hotel. I had not heard of this place before but it was magical. As soon as you walked in you were transported to a time in the past, it exemplified the 40's on a cruise ship. It was relatively small with no windows, art deco feel and bartenders decked out in proper black vests. Martini's were the drink of choice and we enjoyed one and got a fellow patron to take a quick picture of us (above).

I am so blessed to have a husband who is such a genuine man. His thoughtfulness, goofy attitude, sweetness, and loyalty in every situation always shines through. I know he is the most amazing husband and I already know he is the best dad. You are the best Maty. Love you PB! Smooches to you!

Special Moments

I have been rather absent from my blogging activities for quite some time. However, I can summarize what has been going on to catch you up. We have been staying busy and having fun.



• Garage Sale to help with adoption expenses. My parents as supportive as ever came out to help. My Dad getting in fine and my Mom getting stuck at a random airport. It was pretty much an 18 hour trip for them. WE LOVE YOU GUYS!
• Rapids game to watch our friend Brian Mullan play and share the fun times with Eric and our God son Jeremy.
• Lots of running. Some bike rides. Lifting. Belly dancing for me.
• Denver Oyster Race with our buddy Eric. An urban adventure race around downtown Denver on foot and bike. Solving clues and puzzles to find the location we needed to run or bike to. Numerous fun activities (only 3 examples) a cool dip in the pool at the Denver Athletic Club swimming relay style, the 3 of us hooked together at our wrists and searching through Coors Field baseball park looking for picture clues to get us to our next location and another memorable one...an obstacle course in the Pepsi Center parking lot- climbing over hay bales (Mat & Eric), dumpster diving (Mat & Eric), keg walking (me), turning over large tires, carrying sandbags and finally a slingshot to hit a bell (Eric). Running- approximately 8 miles. Biking approximately 10 miles. We finished in just over 3 hours and placed 6th in our group.
• Pro Cycling Challenge. The race was all over the mountain cities in Colorado and ended in Denver. Racers included the 1st, 2nd and 3rd place men of the Tour de France. We stood on the side of the road on Speer Boulevard to see the amazing bikers. Lance Armstrong helped bring the race to Colorado. It was pretty amazing.
• 30th Birthday party for Jon Graffam, other birthdays celebrated, Adam Rodriguez and Jason Boyd. Chatfield Reservoir for games, food and fun times on the boat. We did some swimming and enjoyed the surprisingly quiet water over Labor Day weekend. Jeremy did not get in to swim with us off of the boat but was more comfortable on the shore where I took him in and got wet up to his belly. Yay!
• Overnight with Jeremy and a trip to the park to play on the playground and run around and play soccer with me, Mat and Momus (nanny fam dog we occasionally take care of).

Picture Time!

Oyster Race



"Take a picture of each team member doing a different yoga pose."

"Take a picture of each team member wearing their clothes inside out."

"Take a picture of 3 team members with only 2 legs on the ground."

Soccer Game!

Professional Bike Race!



Our umbrella was on television 6 times.